“Jehovah appeared of old unto me, (saying), Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee.” Jeremiah 31:3
One of the thoughts that has hounded me the most in these fifteen months of grieving is how much of a disappointment I must be to God because of how the death of my husband literally threw me on the ground and shattered my faith.
Surely I am a disappointment to Him because I am a Christian and should be able to stand up to the greatest loss in my life. I should be able to keep my head up in the midst of this darkness and have a smile on my face. I should be stronger than this. My faith should be at the highest level it has ever been. I should not have any questions of “why” or statements of “how could you do this to me after my serving You my entire life”. Instead I should be bowing my head in quiet acceptance. I should not be having any trouble finding out who I am now that I am no longer a wife. I should be able to just let go of all those years I had with my husband and move forward.